


Light of My Life

by giraffewrites



Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Bittersweet, Cancer, F/M, Female Tony, Female Tony Stark, Fluff, Minor Character Death, Superfamily, Superfamily (Marvel), Terminal Illnesses, kid!Peter, kid!Wade
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-06
Updated: 2018-03-06
Packaged: 2019-03-27 20:42:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,843
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13888767
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/giraffewrites/pseuds/giraffewrites
Summary: Both Steve and Toni had always wanted a family. Wanted a child, to be parents, to watch their child, or children, grow up and live their own lives. And they were on track for everything they could ever ask for, but life seemed to have different plans for them. Peter specifically.





	Light of My Life

**Author's Note:**

> I promise that at SOME point, I will write something that's actually pure fluff. I promise. This is pretty sad, I won't lie. It was originally a much fluffier, happier idea, but apparently I only get inspired to write when either 1. I have work due in or 2. there's angst/sadness involved.
> 
> I've also always had a bit of an issue when writing cancer, and death in general, so I wanted to test myself and expand what I write about. As well as this, I have a series planned out for female Tony/Steve, so this was good practice at writing her character and seeing how I want to write her, I guess.
> 
> In this, there is no Deadpool. Wade's a child, but that'll be explained in the fic.
> 
> I hope you enjoy!

The boardroom is overcrowded with people. Everyone’s dressed sharply, most sat in seats but a handful of people standing round. Toni sits at the top of the table, Pepper in the seat next to her. There’s a discussion going on, but Toni isn’t sure what it’s about. She’s usually on top of these things – she won’t take any shit from anyone, regardless of their professional status and experience. She’s been known to make the cockiest, most impudent business men shut up and listen. Today, however, she’s not paying much attention. Admittedly, she should. She _knows_ she should. But she can’t. She doesn’t have the capacity to do so. That’s part of her reasoning for hiring Pepper as her CEO, though. She’ll take over for Toni in meetings if needs be. Lately, it’s been happening more than Toni would be willing to admit.

There’s suddenly a hand on her shoulder, but the touch is far too gentle to startle her. She comes back into reality, realising that everyone in the room is looking in her direction. Toni turns her head to Pepper. She’s met with a sympathetic smile. “Go home,” she says quietly, trying her best to keep the conversation between the two of them. “I’ve got this.”

Usually, Toni would refuse. She doesn’t like deals being closed without her, especially ones as big as this. But she knows she’s no good to anyone when she’s feeling like this. “Thanks Pep,” she says, managing the smallest of smiles. Although the two of them had a relationship years back, which ended fairly disastrously, Toni knows she can always rely on Pepper.

___

She sits in her car for a good ten minutes, lost in her thoughts. Having thoughts whirling and rushing around her head isn’t a new concept for her. However, having _these_ thoughts isn’t what she’s used to. A small tear rolls down her cheek, but she wipes it away with the pad of her thumb. _Crying is a sign of weakness,_ rings in her ears, her father’s voice as clear as ever. She just scoffs, shakes her head and turns her car on. The last thing she needs right now is memories of her childhood.

It’s dark by the time she gets home. The sky is a cobalt blue, making the stars seem brighter than normal. With her briefcase in one hand and her keys in the other, she locks the car door before heading to the front door. She goes to unlock it, only to realise that there’s a piece of paper with her name stuck on the handle. She takes it off, examines it, before turning it around.

                _Toni,_

_There’s a surprise awaiting you. Follow the trail and join us._

_Love, Steve and Peter. x_

She smiles at the note, feeling some of the tension in her muscles go. She isn’t the biggest fan of surprises – her anxiety doesn’t appreciate it. It’s different when it comes to her husband and son, though. Their surprises always cheer her up, and god knows that that’s what she needs right now. With the piece of paper folded and put in her blouse shirt, she unlocks the door.

The light has been turned off, candles illuminating the hallway instead. There’s a trail of rose petals leading her towards the closed kitchen door, and once she’s stood right outside it, she hears the voices of her two favourite people. The first genuine smile of the day appears on her face. She knocks the door with her knuckles, putting one hand on the handle. “Can I come in?”

There’s a sentence mumbled, followed by Peter’s high pitch giggle. “Only if you know the password!”

Toni finds herself laughing with him. “Mmh, let me think...” she trails off, as if she doesn’t know what is is, “is it ‘death star’?”

“Yep!” Peter confirms for her. “You can come in now.”

She pushes the door handle down, opening the door. Before she can process anything, Peter’s out of Steve’s arms and running towards her, holding a bouquet of flowers out to her. The flowers aren’t new – they’re half of the bouquet of lilies the nurses gave Peter last week, mixed with half the sunflowers that Steve and Peter picked from the back garden a few days ago.

Toni takes the flowers, thanking Peter before pulling him into her arms. She feels his arms wrap around her neck, one of his hands loosely holding onto her hair. She presses a kiss to his temple. It’s then that she looks around the kitchen. There’s fairy lights everywhere, as well as more candles on the table, accompanied by a homemade menu.

Steve makes his way over to the two of them. He kisses Toni, then pulling the two of them into a hug.

“Don’t squish the flowers!” Peter yells, softly pushing against his father’s chest.

“I’m not, I’m not!” Steve insists in a playful manner, stepping away from the two of them and holding his hands up.

Toni smiles at her husband, before she makes her way to the table,  Peter sat contently on her hip. “What’s on the menu tonight, then?” She lets Steve pull her chair out for her, thanking him once she’s sat down. She lays the flowers down and shifts Peter onto her lap.

The menu is a piece of A4 paper folded in half. In elegant writing, it reads ‘Tonight’s menu’, the background a mix of burgundy and gold, coloured in with crayons. Once opened up, it gives her all the options. Of which there aren’t many of. Each course offers one option.

“What do you think, Peter? What should I have?” Toni asks, moving the menu onto his lap. “Should I have the pizza?”

Peter giggles, sending a wave of happiness throughout Toni. “Pizza isn’t an option!”

“It isn’t?” Toni asks, gasping. “I must of read it wrong, how silly of me.”

Steve comes over to the table, putting a cup of coffee down for Toni, a glass of juice for Peter. It’s only when Peter’s pills are put down too, that Toni’s harshly thrown back into reality. She’s reminded that whilst this is all well and good, her family is still going through a tough (if not the toughest) times they’ve ever faced.

Peter doesn’t hesitate to move his pills away form him. “I don’t want them,” he whines, a tinge of sadness in his voice. He makes puppy dog eyes at Steve. “They make me feel sick.”

“I know, buddy,” Steve says, his facial expression a visual aid of how Toni feels. “But you have to take them.”

Peter looks at Toni. “Mom, do I have to?” He pleads.

Toni nods her head. “The sooner you take them, the sooner it’ll be over,” she points out.

Peter gives in, knowing there’s very little point in trying to persuade his mom. “Okay,” he sighs.

___

After the starters, their main course cooks in the oven whilst the three of them sit at the table. As always, the tablets have made Peter slightly zoned out. He sits on his mother’s lap, eyes half shut as Toni runs her hand over his head.

They’d made the decision to shave Peter’s hair a week before he started chemotherapy. Steve, in efforts to support and comfort his son, had done the same. Toni had also given herself an undercut, shaving the lower layers on her hair. Whilst Peter’s can’t, his parents’ hair grows back. But they re-shave it when needs be.

“Is he asleep?” Toni mouths to Steve, who’s sat directly opposite her.

“Out like a light,” Steve confirms, smiling sadly at the small boy in his wife’s arms. “He slept a bit earlier, too.”

Toni nods, letting out a sigh. “Do you think we should take him to see Peggy?” She asks, reaching her hand out to get her drink.

“I think that’d be nice,” Steve decides, getting up so he can move to the seat next to Toni. “I’ll ring the care home tomorrow, see if she’s fit for visitors.”

“Good idea,” Toni tells him, although her eyes are downcast on Peter. Without warning her eyes tear up, but she won’t let herself cry. She feels Steve’s hand rest upon her knee, but see can’t tear her eyes away from her son. “This is unfair,” she croaks once a couple of seconds have passed. “He’s only a child, he doesn’t deserve to go through this.”

Without hesitation, Steve wraps his arms around Peter and Toni. He feels a sense of relief when Toni accepts the gesture, instead of pulling away. Her head rests on his shoulder, her nose gently brushing the delicate skin of his neck. “It isn’t fair,” he agrees. He wants to say more, he wants to tell her that it’ll be okay, but he knows it won’t be.

Peter’s chemotherapy stopped two weeks ago. They’d said there’s been no improvement as of lately, and there’s no chance in him becoming better, let alone beating the cancer. The tablets he takes are to try and ease the pain – they’re experimental, but they seem to have some type of affect on Peter, if only numbing the pain and helping him sleep. Both Steve and Toni have looked into other ways of trying to cure Peter, but the cancer is spread throughout most of his body at this point, there’s nothing.

The day they’d officially stopped chemotherapy had been the hardest day of both their lives. Neither of them had said much after the meeting with the doctors, although both of them hadn’t been able to keep their tears back as soon as Peter was in bed that night. It’s a bit of a blur, in all honesty. The emotions of that day have made their memories a bit fuzzy. All they remember is being told that in a few months, Peter will probably no longer be with them, and how much they’d cried.

Steve plants a kiss on top of Toni’s head. He releases her from his arms, drops a kiss on Peter’s head, and gets up. “This was his idea, you know,” he moves to the cupboards, needing to get plates out, “he planned the whole thing.”

It doesn’t surprise Toni. Peter’s always been an incredibly caring, sweet child. “Yeah?”

“Said he’d noticed how sad you’d gotten lately, wanted to cheer you up,” Steve explains, looking at Toni with a small smile.

Toni doesn’t have the strength to hold her tears back this time. She doesn’t say anything, just holds her son close to her chest and closes her eyes.

___

Peter stays on Toni’s lap whilst they have their main course. He eats mostly off her plate, letting her feed him with a fork. Whilst he is awake, he doesn’t have the strength to do as much as he should. Eating alone makes him feel exhausted sometimes,

“Stay awake, buddy,” Steve tells him, using the pad of his thumb to swipe a drop of gravy off his cheek. He leans in closer, whispering, “You still have your other surprise, remember?”

Peter nods his head, trying his best to keep his eyes open. “Okay,” he says simply, leaning back into Toni.

Halfway through the meal, Peter’s mood picks up a little bit. One of the side effects of the medication he’s on is mood swings and fatigues. Usually, for Peter at least, fatigue and a low mood will accompany one another. Now though, he’s perked up a little bit. More sleepy that he is exhausted, and doing his best to maintain a conversation with his parents.

“Can I see Wade soon?” He asks, looking up at Toni.

Wade’s a child from the children’s cancer ward. He and Peter had made friends on their first day of getting chemotherapy, and the nurses, seeing this, did their best to always book the two in for treatment on the same day.

Both Steve and Toni had felt an overwhelming sense of sorrow when they found out what other issues Wade has faced. He lives with his aunty, his mother losing her life from her own battle with cancer. His father was an ex-military man, but between losing his wife and attempting to raise Wade, who was diagnosed with cancer not long after his mother’s death, it was too much. He killed himself a week after Wade’s diagnosis.

“That sounds like a great idea,” Steve tells him, smiling. “I’ll ring his aunty and see when you can see him, how’s that?”

Peter nods happily, taking the piece of chicken off Toni’s fork so he can feed himself.

___

Dessert is apple crumble and ice cream. Peter sits on Steve’s lap for this course. Every time Steve gets a spoonful of food, Peter will grab the spoon, then proceed to eat it. He bursts out with laughter every time Steve makes a mocked shocked face. The sound of Peter’s infectious giggle makes both Steve and Toni’s chests warm.

When Toni sees Peter eyeing up her bowl, she shakes her head. “No way,” she says jokingly, moving the bowl away from Peter. “This is _mine_.”

Catching onto the game, Peter reaches his hands out for it, giggling when Toni moves the bowl away further and shakes her head. “Pleaseee,” he says, stretching out the word.

Toni pretends to consider it. “Only if,” she starts, “you tell me a secret.”

Peter thinks the offer over, then nods his head.

Toni lifts him onto her lap, standing him on her legs so he can reach her ear. He cups his hands, moving his face closer to her ear. “It was dad who ate the last cookie, but he blamed me!” He tells her, trying to whisper but his voice coming out in more of a whisper-shout.

Toni gasps, putting one hand on her chest as if she’s just been told the secrets of the world. “Well, that certainly is a good secret.” She looks at Peter, not being able to stop her own smile forming when she sees his. “The ice cream is yours.”

___

“That was the best meal I’ve ever had,” Toni says, now dressed in her pyjamas (pyjama shorts and one of Steve’s tops). Peter’s sat next to her on the couch, playing with the wedding band around her finger.

“I liked the dessert,” Peter replies. He leaves the ring along when he sees Steve enter the room, holding two pieces of paper. Peter lifts his arms for Steve to pick him up, and once he’s in his arms, he takes the paper from him. “Close your eyes!” He tells Toni, watching as she covers her eyes with her hands.

Steve sits next to Toni on the couch, positioning Peter on his lap. He watches as Peter puts one of the pieces of paper on Toni’s lap, then telling her to open her eyes.

Toni removes her hands form her eyes, looking down at the piece of paper.

It’s a drawing. There’s the three of them, plus Wade and his aunty. In the corner, as always, is a sun. Peter’s given him sunglasses and a big smile. Toni knows what the drawing is – where it’s set. It’s from when the five of them went to the sensory garden at the hospital. Whilst neither Wade or Peter have any sensory impairments, the nurses had said it would be a nice thing for them to do. They were right.

The garden was incredible. It wasn’t big, but somehow, they’d been lucky and gone there when no one else was visiting. There we all different types of flowers, from lilies, to daises, to almost every type of flower Toni could think of. There were large wind pipes and drums, accompanied by plastic sticks so you could hit them and make sounds. Wind chimes hung from the small tree at the bottom, which also provided shade for a bench. Colourful, different textured Chinese lanterns hung from a wooden frame, low enough that children could reach them. Each one of them had a title on them, and each one of them was filled with a different type of candy. From chocolate, to dairy free sweets, to gluten free sweets, there was something for everyone. There was even one that fruit bags in one, providing something for those who cant’s have candy.

Toni remembers how Peter had gotten the last bag of sweets that both he and Wade wanted. But instead of letting Steve go inside to ask one of the nurses if there was more, Peter had insisted he didn’t mind sharing the packet with not only Wade, but all five of them.

By some luck of the world, Toni manages not to cry whilst looking at the drawing. “I love it,” she says, meaning every word. She rubs the back of fingers against Peter’s cheek, “Thank you.”

Peter, obviously happy with himself, smiles. “And I have this one!” He exclaims, waving the other piece of paper around.

“Do you want to read it, or should we let mom read it?” Steve asks.

“Um... I wanna read it,” Peter decides. He waits until Steve has put his glasses on for him, before he starts to read. “Mom, you are the best mom I could ever have. You cook really well and I like that- s-s-“

“Sometimes-“ Steve helps him out.

“You let me stay up past my bedtime to watch a film. And I think it’s really cool when you tell me stuff about p-p-“

“Physics-“ Steve helps him once again.

As Peter continues reading the letter the two of them constructed earlier, Steve watches his wife’s face. There’s a mixture of sorrow and happiness written upon it. Steve can tell that it’s taking all her strength to stop her from crying. He moves his hand to rest upon her’s. She doesn’t take her eyes off Peter, but her fingers grip tightly around Steve’s hand. He grips back.

“And finally,” Peter says, oblivious to the emotions pulsating through his parents. “I love you, you’re the best mom ever, ever, _ever_!” He finishes off, grinning up at Toni, shinning with glee.

A few tears slip out of Toni’s eyes without warning. “You,” she softly taps her son’s nose, “are the best son, ever, ever, _ever_.”

Peter moves into Toni’s arms. He stands on her legs, wrapping his arms around her neck and nuzzling his nose into her hair. Toni holds him as close as possible with both her arms, hoping to any gods above that this won’t be the last time she gets to do this.

___

Toni and Steve tuck Peter in bed together. It used to be that it was one or the other – Steve would either be on missions and Toni would be at home, or Toni would be stuck at work and Steve would be at home. Toni had made the decision to retire from S.H.I.E.L.D missions when she fell pregnant, but agreed to work on the others’ armour and weapons. When Peter was diagnosed with cancer, Steve didn’t retire, but put a temporary leave form in. That was a year and a half ago.

After Peter’s taken his pills, Toni lays him down in bed, Steve covering him with the duvet. They kiss a cheek each, neither of them fighting back their smiles when Peter kisses theirs’ back. “Goodnight Peter,” Toni whispers, crouched next to his bed. She’s got his small hand in her own, rubbing the pad of her thumb against his skin. “We love you.”

“Have sweet dreams,” Steve adds in, standing behind Toni. “We’ll see you in the morning.”

“G’night,” Peter says quietly, his eyes slipping shut.

He falls asleep shortly after, but neither Steve nor Toni move. They watch him sleep, watching how peaceful he looks in comparison to how he is when the pain gets too much for him. When every ounce of his body hurts; when he’s unable to stop sobbing, curling up in one of his parents’ arms.

“Do you want something to drink?” Steve whispers, resting his hand on Toni’s shoulder blade.

“I’ll have a coffee,” she replies quietly. “I’ll be down in a moment.”

Steve nods his head, leaving his wife and son.

Toni doesn’t know if she’s really come to terms that eventually, whether it be sooner rather than later, Peter’s going to die. The doctors aren’t sure how long he’s got left, but they don’t think it’ll be for much longer. This isn’t how Toni imagined life for Peter to be. She wanted her son to have a better childhood than she did, and look how that’s turned out. He’s five years old and losing his life to cancer. He’s hardly had a childhood.

When she fell pregnant with Peter, it was a shock to everyone. Her and Steve had been trying for three years – one year of trying by having intercourse, the later two years by IVF. When her third round of IVF had failed, both Toni and Steve had agreed that they’d wait a year. It was too stressful on Toni’s mind and body. Then, a few months later, she discovered she was pregnant. The doctors and nurses were just as shocked as they were.

“You, are the light of my life,” she whispers, running her hand over Peter’s head. “And I love you, and so does dad. And everyone else you’ve ever met. You brighten lives without even knowing you do so.” There’s mascara smeared around her eyes, cheeks dampened by tears. Yet she can’t find it in herself to care. She presses a kiss to the back of Peter’s hand before leaving the room. “Sleep well, Peter.”

Steve’s on the phone when she enters the kitchen. She doesn’t listen to what he’s saying, but starts putting the dishes in the washing machine.

“That was Wade’s aunty,” Steve says when he’s off the phone.

Toni turns to look at him, noticing the odd look on his face. “What?” She asks, standing up straight. She feels a twist of anxiety in her stomach. “What’s happened?”

Steve inhales, before letting out a shaky breath. “Wade,” he says simply, leaning against the counter. “He passed away about an hour ago.”

He’s saying more, but it’s falling on deaf ears. Toni doesn’t know where to look, where to feel, what she should do. So she just stands there, staring at the floor. Paralysed with shock. It’s only when Steve wraps his arms around her that she’s back in reality. Her sobs break the silence before she can think of anything to say.

Steve’s crying, too. Although he’s not as loud as Toni. He holds her closely, paying no mind to how wet his t-shirt is getting.

Neither of them can control their sadness, let alone their tears.

And this is when they both realise that soon enough, it’ll be them making phone calls, having to announce the death of their son. Neither of them know how they’re going to handle it, or how they’re going to get through it. But they know they’ll have each other for support, and they suppose that that’s something at least.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoyed! You can find me on twitter [here ](https://twitter.com/stark_protect)


End file.
